:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
