I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
