Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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