At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
