I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
