his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
