A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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