i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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