i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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