I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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