i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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