so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
