I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
