My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
