And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
