so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
