The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
