I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
