Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
