Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
