Got a toothbrush?
butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
