You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
