Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
