She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
