Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
