my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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