doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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