This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
