He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
