Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
