the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
