You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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