she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
