Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
