Sponge bath it is.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
