Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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