i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
