My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
