Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
