I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
