I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
