She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
