the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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