Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
