she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
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