Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
