So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
