I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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