I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
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