I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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