How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
