once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
